Karma & "Everything Happens for a Reason"

Stalkers,

This post might sound pessimistic or cynical to a lot of you, especially because many of my readers are religious or spiritual, but I'm going to ask you to take a hard look at karma and God and the "reason things happen".

Disclaimer: This isn't going to be a platform to bash any religion or belief, so please keep rude comments out. Open minded debate is welcome.

Bad things happen to good and bad people, wether or not you "deserve" it.. That's life. It's random, destructive, chaotic. Babies die suddenly in their cribs. Rapists get off on bail. Dictators can rule countries, murdering at will and suppressing people. Life has a dark, dirty side no one can ignore for long (unless you're especially privileged). 

When bad things happen we calm each other by saying "things happen for a reason", and comfort ourselves thinking karma will get those who wronged us (or maybe God or Satan will punish them in the end- same concept really). 

I don't believe in hell and I can't believe in the existence of a loving, perfect God who would create rapists, murderers and other fiends, and let them harm the innocent. 

Try to put it in perspective by thinking of a kid in a third world country; born with a deadly disease and starving. I'm sure they didn't deserve that. There's not enough meds for them or food the next day. They aren't getting karmic backlash. God didn't create a fresh new life just to watch it die horribly a couple years later.

Truth is..  Life and nature are cruel and random. Our intentions and intervention is what gives it purpose.

Not trying to be negative or say your beliefs aren't real or valid (cause to you they are and I respect that 100% and encourage everyone to find what works for them and be a good person), but I guess I'm a little jaded from my life experiences. 

Overall I wish people would stop playing dumb, like all our problems aren't ours to shoulder. All humans are connected. We need each other stronger than we need beliefs about gods or karmic law. Prayer and good intentions are fine.. but at what point do you dig deep and DO something to change the ugly, cruel bad things that happen? 

Just wondering.

- Lia

PS don't stalk me. 

; suicide.

I'll never forget Henry Lew. He was so smart, understanding, encouraging. He helped me through some of the worst times of my life, and as a troubled teen he was one of the few people on Earth that ever made me feel like I could have a family that was loving, accpeting and caring, because he was more than just my friend, he was my brother. 

He was only a teenager when he took his own life, 17.. his life had barely begun.. We were the same age and his death shook my whole world. Suddenly my brother was gone, without goodbye. I lost someone Id depended on and who I was suppose to help.. Im 25 now, looking back I see an empty space where Henry should have been all these years. I wish I could go back in time, stop him, tell him how life can become anything we want when we get older if he could just wait. I miss him so much.

Ill never get another chance with Henry.. But I do have a chance with you.

I want every single person who has ever thought about suicide to know; someone will miss you. If you ever go thru with it, you won't just be ending your life. You'll be ending others lives in ways they didn't realize was possible until you left them. The whole world will change without you. Please. Don't do it. Don't end your life. You are worth so much. You are loved, even if you can't always feel that. Please. Don't give up.

I also have struggled with suicide. I don't know how I kept going, but I did. Maybe it was for Henry, maybe it was for you. the truth is once you've been in that dark place where ending your life seems like a good option, it can take a lifetime of work and help to come back. I falter sometimes. I think alot of us do. But you don't have to go thru this alone. You may not know me, but know I care about you. 

#semicolonproject416

The Bipolar Forest

Life is an unfair pit dug between you and what you think you want, filled to the brim with used, naked syringes and uncomfortable feelings.

It's not all bad though; sometimes someone comes along who makes you rethink crossing that pit; some unique soul that makes you question what you thought you wanted, makes you think maybe life could be a field of flowers and trees that grow dorito nachos like fruit; a paradise if you will. 

Now you have to chose between crawling thru needles and shit to get what you really want, or take the easy way to someone else's ideal paradise. 

That's life for everyone, right? Hard choices and risks, easy outs and dumb luck. 

Now imagine the ground you're standing on is constantly shaking, like an earth quake that only you can feel. Everyone else is fine, but you feel every tremor, every shift, and it threatens your entire balance and momentum. Suddenly you're not just going after what you want or need, but you're trying to keep your balance just so you can function like everyone else. It's hard, so hard, just keeping on your feet.. That's what it's like for me, because I have bipolar. That's what soul-crushing depression I can't control or reason with feels like. 

That's not all, either. This personal earth quake can stop from time to time, letting me find my feet and start making some important choices.. I feel calm for once, I feel like my true self. 

Then suddenly the trees catch fire and everything's burning so bright I can't even see what I want or feel what I need anymore. People around me are so confused, because though they couldn't feel the earth quake, they most definitely can see this forest fire I set unintentionally. It won't go out. People around me pour water on fire, but it just keeps blazing, and to keep from getting burnt people leave me to myself. That's mania for me, the other side to bipolar. 

Eventually the fire goes out and if it was bad enough relationships could be destroyed, bridges could be burned, and I feel hopeless because so much wood has burnt in the forest there's isn't always enough to rebuild these things. So that takes time to heal things. What's bad is sometimes I get burnt too; I get scars. I've changed the world around me from a temporary fire that consumes things, like fires do.

Now I'm stuck preparing for earth quakes, forest fires, and on top of that all the other choices and things everyone else deals with in life. It's fucking exhausting, it's confusing. I live in fear of the natural disasters, when I realize it's one of the things that make me beautiful and unique. Struggling between love  and hate, fear and courage, smart choices or passionate experiences. 

Ask me my opinion on a topic and the answer will depend on if Im burning or shaking at the moment; but it'll always be intense. I move the earth, I consume things in seconds. That's bipolar.